flagrant gluttony

I hate reading your words because I can sense the truth in them, the manipulation behind them, the anxiety they provoke. In a stop-gap instant of clarity, I see the cracks in the wall and I skitter from the darkness pouring out of it. It is gluttony for punishment, for the next shiny distraction, the mummers dance of life.
You whisper seduction, scream obscenity. You reason insanity and provoke the masses to numbness.

Lately “they” suggest the growing trend is the anti-net. People are “un-plugging” and the human awareness is gradually swinging towards community and relationships and love-seeking. We’re scared and tired and hungry for real emotion, connection, acknowledgment. We are almost psychotically abusing our resources on every level. From personal, to communal, and global. I know obscene self-sabotage when I see it. I know acting on impulses to self-destruct. I have done since I was old enough to listen. To see it mirroring back at me on fractal patterns is…well, it’s enough to write here. To lay it out-loud on public record.

And I feel like a sacrifice. I don’t feel connected to the sickness, more used by it as a medium. Another walking billboard for crazy alarm. Because I do feel connected to the earth we tread on. Tears spring to my eyes and I am powerless to invoke a real response from you. I speak warnings and spread love and I keep mum. They say consistency is key and I have to find the balanced method of fighting to back consistently.

As we approach the lunar samhain, I release what no longer serves me. I honor those whose paths lead to my creation. I reach to the future through the hands and hearts of my friends and family. I howled this morning at the waning crescent moon before dawn and I was answered. By people who instinctively felt the need to answer.



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