My friend and I were chatting last night and she said, “I know that you have always longed for a core group of friends, like a coven, like a community etc., etc. Call it what you will but for the years I’ve known you, you’ve been searching for it in many different avenues. Unfortunately with little success. In your opinion, why do you think that is?”
I have been contemplating this for the same amount of time that she’s known me. I wonder if some of it is the level of vulnerability that requires people to experience, even when the reward is great. I crave connection, both emotionally and physically. I am intense – I understand that about myself; which I think is why I think a partnership of (3-4) different, but united personalities would be a good fit for me.
To which she agreed, in a meaningful and supportive way.
Every once in awhile I find someone who I think would be a good fit, only to find that they are closed off to the idea of (vulnerability, polyamory, kids, trust….something ). Understandably that makes them /not/ a good fit, but when the discussions I’ve been having with co-workers, friends and family revolve around “Where do /you/ meet people?” and the answers I get back are “I can’t find anyone”, “online”, “I don’t like to meet people in public” and “I gave up trying to find someone to connect with”….and these are from people ranging between 10 years younger and a few years older. It’s frightening. No, I don’t think it spells doom, but it certainly points to a growing problem, at least locally.
*shrugs* so, I search and I nurture the relationships I have in hopes that one day something will change. It’s lonely, though, and I feel for my partner.