Thunderous Crash

Ah, here we are. The high is over. literally. I’ve decided to be responsible and stop smoking weed. Though I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve got an addictive personality, it’s never been trouble to stop smoking because of craving the act or even the high. What really chaps my ass is the almost immediate plunge into depression that follows a day or two or four later. Every. time. I. stop. I’m not suicidal, I just have deep feelings and tremendous amounts of insecurity and anxiety that I work really hard to mask under kindness and busy-ness.
My insecurity is just slicing against the inside of my skin because my life feels like it’s hanging in a crazy balance. I haven’t shared those details, and I’m not interested in dragging it out into the open because I’ve been slowly and methodically working through it like an adult. Grrr. I should be proud of myself. I’m working too hard towards an end goal of raising healthy, mentally and emotionally-balanced children to break down. At least that’s the story.

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