Breath

I have become increasingly depressed and hopeless over this last year, but boy howdy the election really shoved this grrl right over the edge. No holds barred. I’m struggling.

Peace. I can still find it. I am still hustling. My mate and I are on a happy swing. The kiddos are experiencing a safe and stable home life. We have a great social support network and a  loving family.

I still feel like shit and that must be acknowledged.  Anxiety’s job is valid in convincing us to examine situations in different lights to avoid danger and perhaps plan ahead. Mine is just reaalllly gleeful and sadistic.

I can see the care reflected on my face. Partially in vanity, and partially in an act of self-care, I am performing ritualistic baths. I’m not going into details, but body scrubs and feet scrubs, and plant-based massage oils,  etc. feature. I encourage Jae, who unabashedly being soft and grrly, to enjoy them, too. And she’s making friends. This is a very big, positive, amazing step forward.

And while I’m booing about it all. I had a student chuck random objects at me today. He then proceeded to shout profanity at me. That is how my day started. it did not improve. Mmmmph. There is a lot of pain and anger radiating from these schools. The problem is, I feel it too. I don’t know what it means, but I am so exhausted for struggling in every aspect of my life to put it all together. I am open to listening to the seasoned voices who are already having this conversation.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s