Blood in the Cut

I have public services healthcare. I cannot find a provider. I am having anxiety to a point where I cannot breathe. I can see that it’s an overreaction. or…What to do? I don’t want to involve my family. I need to be here to keep things moving forward. I have no idea what “crisis” actually looks like, but I’m pretty damned tempted to say this is it.

I used to have nightmares about being “locked up”…hospitalized. I really don’t know what to do. I feel trapped and paralysed. Can I breathe through this?  Can I ease through the hour in concentrating on being present with my family? We’ll find out.

What if this moment I take a leap of faith into facing this only to find out no help can be had? Fuck. I already promised myself I would just keep dialing numbers until something broke. They have to be used to tears. That’s their job, right? I am ….electrified.

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