It is noted that I weigh about 17 pounds heavier than I weighed on my wedding day. As Jae and I count down the hours to the 13th anniversary of our wedding day, I have been doing a lot of reflecting on emotional, physical and relationship health.  This year has been a really stressful test of our humanity; there was a lot of relationship and boundary testing on both sides. We are entering this new relationship year with our heart and eyes open to the tender-hearted and thin-skinned beings our whole family is right now.  We are establishing relationship goals for our family, as a family. Even the 16-month-old has feelings and contributions to our goals.

I have many physical health goals.  I’m a woman in quite a large body. My health goals are to be stronger. I’m trying to gain strength enough to help myself in many areas of my life. I have a strong frame, I need to support my muscles and bones. I still want to learn a fighting technique and I still want to see what my body is capable of doing. Plus, indoor skydiving, hiking…I want to adventure with my family.

It is commonly suggested to consult your doctor before starting a physical routine. Considering that I’d started a rather ambitious physical routine and I wanted to get the green light to proceed. After tests were all performed, I was shocked to learn that I am a very healthy person. According to my doctor, my hormones, chemicals, immunisations, etc., came back healthy.  I was given an enthusiastic green light to pursue my ambitious physical strength regime.

I spoke to the nutritionist who said that even though my BMI is….very, very high….my test results were wonderful. She then went on to talk about how weight and health are not correlated  and other body positivity stuff. Which is great, I am glad to see this trend, but our current life is not geared towards people with large bodies.  I’m frustrated and trying to reconcile yet another set of oppositional traits.

Please then, Lord, let me find ways to enjoy life in this skin I’m in.


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